The old 55-inch hi-def crystal ball is in the recycling bin, replaced by a 60-inch state-of-the-art plasma. Here, then, are your non-money-back guarantees for the 2008 television sports world:

• Claiming he has done all he could to right the Miami Dolphins' ship, Bill Parcells announces in June he will return to ESPN for a third time. But this time he will work exclusively via satellite from his Saratoga, N.Y., home. Parcells' return to ESPN will not affect Brian Billick, his Monday Night Countdown replacement.

• NBC Inc.'s coverage of the Beijing Summer Olympics will run 37 minutes over the 1,400 broadcast hours it has scheduled on NBC, USA, MSNBC, CNBC and Telemundo.

• Fox, which was licking its chops for a Cowboys-Patriots Super Bowl, is forced to settle for a Seattle Seahawks-Jacksonville Jaguars game instead. In the frenzy of Super Bowl week, Fox Sports boss Ed Goren stoically declares that the majesty of the game will overcome the less-than-marquee matchup. Goren wakes up the next morning to find that his nose has grown three inches.

• Fox's Joe Buck and Tim McCarver will visit Arlington on Aug. 6 for the first Saturday afternoon national broadcast of a Rangers game. The Red Sox will be going for their 25th straight victory, which would clinch at least a tie for the American League East title.

• Charles Barkley signs off from TNT's NBA conference final coverage announcing that he is going fishing with Tim Duncan and Steve Nash. He then picks the Boston Celtics to sweep the Mavericks for the NBA title. "I love Dirk Nowitzki," Barkley says, "but he's no match for Kevin Garnett."

• NFL Network's eight-game, late-season schedule, available in 40 percent of the country, includes three Cowboys games, three Patriots games, one Colts game and one Packers game. The Cowboys' annual Thanksgiving game moves to a 7 p.m. kickoff on NFL Network, "We've put together this schedule in the best interest of our fans," commissioner Roger Goodell declares.

• Citing a crowded work schedule, Bryant Gumbel announces his departure as the NFL Network's play-by-play voice and is replaced by Miss Teen South Carolina Caitlin ("U.S. Americans") Upton.

• No longer willing to have its Cotton Bowl competing against the Outback, Gator and Capital One bowls on New Year's Day, Fox announces a new kickoff time for the Cotton: 7:30 a.m.

• After three consecutive years of dropping ratings, NASCAR announces that the 2009 Daytona 500 will be moved to early January and run at the new Buffalo International Speedway. If there is no snow in the forecast, artificial snow will be dropped from a fleet of hovering blimps.

• The NFL stunningly announces it is shelving its playoffs and adopting the college bowl system at the behest of its television partners. January will be "NFL Bowl Month," with all 32 teams invited to participate. The two teams with the worst records will open in the Draft Pick Bowl. Fifteen games later, the Super Bowl will feature the two teams spit out by the NFL computer.

• Bud Selig announces that Major League Baseball is forming a committee to study the possibility of moving to a baseball bowl format.

• Early Monday, ESPN's Kirk Herbstreit will exclusively report that Les Miles is leaving LSU for the Atlanta Falcons. "This time, I know I'm right. I think." Herbstreit will declare." Miles will hold an angry news conference an hour before the LSU-Ohio State BCS championship game to deny the report. "I'm the head coach at LSU. I will be the head coach at LSU. I have no interest in talking to anybody else. I've got a championship game to play and I'm excited about the opportunity of my damn strong football team to play in it."

• Play-by-play voice Ralph Strangis will finally get to say, "The Stars win the opening round of the Stanley Cup playoffs and advance to the Western Conference semifinals."